Life Without Blinders

The World is Full of Possibility!

    

Auggie begins to enjoy spending time together! 

    It was the last Friday in September when Auggie and I finally clicked. I can remember exactly the day because my aunt and uncle were due to arrive that night at my parent's house for a family reunion on the weekend. I had been dreading this "family reunion" since its inception in July, when my older cousin had implored me to attend the event at her house. As much as I appreciated being invited, I despised the forced "get togethers" with my mother's side of the family. I had never enjoyed the gatherings as a kid and always ended up feeling bitter about it as a result. That weekend, Auggie was like a retreat for me when I needed it the most.

    I made a point to decline the invitation from my cousin right away, as I wasn't interested in the whole family ganging up on me or making me feel like the odd one out. I did not want to answer questions about my failed relationship with Josh or my custody agreement with Cheyenne's father. I refused to be made a fool of in front of the whole group. It's difficult to explain succinctly, but my mom's side of the family can never let anything go, and they have no problem making a joke of someone else's pain. My father and I never really fit in with this side of the family, and I was just so exhausted from all the years of putting up with it, that I'd rather just avoid the group all together. Interestingly, I could tolerate each member of the family as an individual, but it was that pack mentality that they possessed that was so negative. 

    I had no outlet to say how I felt or to confront each member, so I kept to myself. You couldn't tell the Moore family that they were wrong, but they'd sure tell you where you had fallen short. I had enough of being mocked, ridiculed, and reminded of every mistake I've ever made. I had quite enough of hearing about how I used to get carsick as kid or how I never got tall like my cousins. There was nothing nostalgic about the things they liked to bring up, as the alcohol flowed, and the banter got louder and louder. I wasn't sure how to deal with it any other way, it was best to just avoid it altogether. 

    My mother was the oldest of four children. She has three brothers, Michael, David and Johnny. Their father died before I was born, and their mother lived until my 16th birthday (Yes, she died on my 16th birthday). I did not get along with my grandmother for a number of reasons, but let's just say that she was a very, very unhappy human being and she had a way of infecting everyone else with her misery. I have three first cousins out of that arrangement that I've had mixed feeling about for a number of years and I never felt like I belonged with all of them. 

    That Friday afternoon, I made it a point to go to the farm to ride, as it was a beautiful fall day, and I just couldn't miss out on the opportunity to make some progress. I agreed to pick up dinner on the way home if my mother called it in when I was finished riding. I figured that would have to at least be cordial to my aunt and uncle and spend a little time with them if I was going to miss the big "reunion" at my cousin's house the next day. I could handle stopping by the parent's house with take out for an hour or two, but that was all I could do. I was going to have my time with my horse regardless of who showed up at my parent's doorstep.

    That afternoon was crisp and clear, the sun was golden and the leaves on the trees were just beginning to change to brilliant hues of red and yellow. There was a wind coming from the west, but the sky was clear and beautiful, and there was no excuse not to ride on such a gorgeous day. When I arrived at the farm, I planned that I start out the same way that I had in the previous days leading up to this point, with Auggie's playlist of classical music.

    I placed the phone on the rack just outside his stall and started with Waltz No. 2 just the way I had on all the previous days. By this point, Auggie recognized the comforting sounds of the waltz and knew that it was time to prepare for his work. He reached out his muzzle to me for a slice of zucchini and allowed me to scratch his head briefly before he retreated again to the corner of his stall. He stood to be groomed and cooperated with the saddle and girth. 

    As the music played on, Sharon and Diane wandered up the aisle to start the feeding and watering process for the afternoon. I felt like a bother to them with my noise, but Auggie now seemed to be more dialed into his job with it than without it, so I left it to continue playing the repetitive Bolero as I raised the bridle to Auggie's face for him to accept the bit. He flipped his head a couple times but took the bit more readily than he had on previous occasions and I quickly rewarded him with pats and verbal praise. He was not a horse that responded well to harshness or punishments, but rather one that desired praise to the point of being a weakness. It was clear that he would walk through fire for the right person if he could just have the satisfaction of knowing that he had done well. 

    "Got the radio on today?" Sharon said as she poked the hose end through the wire door of Auggie's stall.

    "Yeah. Well, it helps him get focused on what he has to do, see now he has a routine so he knows what's coming next," I responded kind of sheepishly.

    "Oh I see. Does he need more water in his bucket? I can't quite see."

    "Yeah, he does. Hold on I'm taking him out so I'll be out of your way," I said as I slipped the reins over his head and clipped the door open so we could exit to the outdoor arena.

    Outside the wind swept over the alfalfa fields of the neighboring dairy farm and rustled the trees around the arena. I had the ring to myself, and the wind wasn't going to prevent me from riding outside while I still had the chance. Auggie and I played the same game with the mounting block for about fifteen minutes, before he relented and decided to stand still long enough for me to hop on. As frustrating as that was for me, the moment of actually swinging into the saddle felt like a huge victory as it always came just a moment before my patience ran out. 

    Auggie stepped out at the walk smoothly, evenly and calmly once we had left the mounting block behind us. His ears were pricked forward and alert to the rustle of the leaves, but he was not spooky or timid on this day. He moved forward with purpose, head level with his body, and observed his surroundings placidly as the afternoon sun began to cast long shadows across the arena. The massive, white church steeple off in the distance across the farmer's fields chimed out the time of 4:30 as we turned the bend towards the hedgerow that separated the horse farm from the dairy farm. 

    A herd of deer crept out of the hedges to begin evening grazing on the forbidden alfalfa fields adjacent to the arena. Auggie acknowledged the herd's movements with his ears, but his feet never stepped out of line. In the paddocks across the farm, I could see Sharon working to fill the water troughs and put the hay out for the evening group of horses. With the arena gate shut and Sharon in view, I figured I might as well get into the trot and if he spooked at something, then he spooked at something. At least someone would find my body if he flung me.

    I nudged his sides and gave a cluck and Auggie stepped off into his big, ground covering trot. His tempo was still faster than any other horse I had ever ridden, but this time there was something more controlled and balanced about the way he moved that indicated to me that he had come to a turning point at last. I laced my fingers into his mane and tried to keep up with him. He was no longer pacing, but actually trotting with his head lower and his ears forward. As we turned the bend near the hedges, he continued to glide right by, smooth as ever on the curve with me in tow. He wanted to keep going, so I let out the rein. For the first time since I brought him home, he seemed happy.

    After a few laps, I brought him back to a walk and reversed direction. He continued to trot the other direction with the same vigor and enthusiasm as before and we went around and around several times until he started to break a sweat. When I felt that he had enough of a workout for the day, I brought him to walk and proceeded to let him cool down slowly. My heart felt full. Something had begun to change and now I felt like I could actually get somewhere with Auggie. It was something so simple, but just the feeling of moving freely was pure gold in that moment.

    As the church steeple chimed out the 5 o'clock hour, I hustled to dismount. I had been in some sort of time warp, the zone if you will, and I nearly forgot that I was supposed to pick up dinner for my mother's family. I led Auggie back to the barn, not realizing that all along, I had an audience while I rode. I had been too absorbed in the process of Auggie's exercise to notice that Diane and Sharon had stopped working to watch him blazing around the arena.  

    "Wow!" Sharon exclaimed as I led Auggie back to his stall. "He is looking so different! Almost like a hunter...well, ok maybe not quite, but he has changed so much!"

    "Oh yeah he felt really good today, I think he's learning to balance a rider better now," I responded.

    "You know, you really need to have someone film you while you ride. Then you can see how much he has progressed. I'm serious, he's like a totally different horse and you're not going to be able to appreciate it unless you keep records of it like that."

     "I think that would be a good idea, but I don't think anyone will do that for me. I mean my mother is terrible with technology and everyone else is so busy," I said with a laugh.

    "Well, you should certainly try to. I mean you went out there with the wind blowing and the deer and all, and I thought, 'ugh I don't know about that' but he was fantastic!"

    Diane nodded in disbelief. Apparently, they had expected me to get tossed, and instead it turned out that I had made major progress. I put Auggie in his stall and untacked him; he enjoyed a reward of carrots and zucchini for his efforts and then turned to his hay and water. I used a towel to rub down his coat, gently massaging out the shoulder and back, and he seemed to appreciate this immensely as he munched happily on his dinner. 

    I never thought such a simple thing as being able to trot consistently could make me feel so accomplished, but then again, I had never taken on a horse quite like this before. The family's descent on us for the weekend couldn't kill my good mood; I had come too far with this horse to be torn down now. As much as I didn't feel like meeting at my parent's house for dinner, I wasn't going to let it get to me. I reasoned that I had to be at least grateful that I had a family at all. My daughter was waiting for me at my parents' house, so I shut the door to Auggie's stall and turned to leave the farm for the day. 

    I didn't have to go to the reunion, but I did have to at least make an appearance here and there. Though flawed, they were my family after all and while they could keep all their drama for themselves, I had to be the better person and at least be cordial. Someday, they could all be gone, I thought. Then what would I do?

 Nothing was going to ruin my night. Not even my family.