I'm Not for Everyone
"Yeah, I'm hard to love, it's true-Brothers Osbourne
The following morning was clear and crisp as the rain had moved out of the area during the night. The weather was becoming more fall-like, and at last the drought seemed to be coming to an end. While the drought and heat had been rough, we were grateful to have missed out on any major flooding events on the property, as the previous two years we had devastating high water from the Wissahickon creek that had destroyed equipment and supplies in the shop and the barn. Life by the water wasn't always as idyllic as people made it out to be. I had grown tired of the scramble to move machines and equipment to higher ground every time the sky looked ominous.
The back half of my property as Tropical Storm Isaias moved out of the area August 2020. On September 1, 2021, a tornado crashed through the neighborhoods of Upper Dublin, only a couple miles from the property, destroying acres of woods and hundreds of houses.
https://www.cbsnews.com/philadelphia/news/montgomery-county-tornado-ida-storm-damage-upper-dublin/
Many neighborhoods still had a lot of cleaning up to do, even a year after a tornado had ripped through the township; many houses were still covered in a patchwork of blue tarps due to a lack of building materials, insurance re-imbursement or labor shortages. Despite all that, it seemed that things were at least a little better going into the fall. Work was busy and I was continuously getting calls for additional work, which often meant that I was working Sundays in addition to the regular six-day work week. Somehow, the door of opportunity had been opened this year, and I had to enjoy it while it lasted. It's funny how the path begins to light up when you walk by faith and not by fear.
That afternoon, I did not go to the farm to ride Auggie. I felt like he could use a day to decompress, and there was something I needed to do anyway. After a few months of mulling it over, I grabbed the black, velvet box that housed my engagement ring and threw it into the cupholder of the truck. Work was done for the day and my mother would pick up my daughter from school, so I could slip out for an hour or so. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, but my mind was made up this time. The ring had to go.
I had gotten three appraisals on the thing; two jewelers had refused to even consider purchasing the ring, saying that it was worthless, and the third offered me $200 for it. I knew nothing about jewelry, and I really never wore any since I worked a manual labor job, so I had to take their word for it when it came to the actual value of it. While $200 didn't seem like much, it was $200 more than I had with it sitting on my dresser at home. I drove to Lansdale to see the jeweler that offered to buy it.
After several months of not hearing anything from Josh, I figured it was safe to assume that he wasn't going to suddenly want the ring back. I still felt a stab of guilt as I parked the truck in the lot in front of Dublin Jewelers and slammed the door. I was going to do it this time; kiss that life good-bye and move on. It was clear that Josh had made an impulse purchase, and that it hadn't really meant what it should. Black box in hand, I turned from the truck and walked through the double doors of the store.
A black Great Dane rose from a cushion in the corner of the store to quietly inspect me as I walked up to the counter. The owner popped out from a back room behind the counter to greet me as I approached,
"Hello friend, how can I help you today?" he asked as he put some small boxes on a shelf adjacent to the glass counter. He was a big man, maybe late fifties or early sixties, with long gray hair and tattoos on his arms.
"I think I'm ready to get rid of this," I said as I presented the velvet box to him across the counter.
"Fantastic, what did we say, $200, right?" he asked as he grabbed a pad of receipts from a cluttered shelf behind him.
"Yes that's right. I'm ready to get rid of it, finally. It's time to move on now." I replied.
"I'm sorry things didn't work out, friend. There's better things out there. I wish I could help you out more, but here's the $200 at least," he said as he scribbled out the transaction on the pad. He checked my ID and I handed to ring over to him. I felt a wave of remorse wash over me for a second but suppressed the urge to beg to have it back. The ring hadn't meant what it was supposed to, so why continue to carry that weight around?
I tried to imagine the next person that might get it; the joy it could bring for someone in the prime of life. Clearly, it wasn't worth much in the financial sense, but it should have symbolized a serious commitment in some way. With an extra $200 in hand, I turned and left the store feeling a bit lighter than I did when I first walked in. I was free now. I wasn't going to put my life on hold anymore for someone that couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone. I'm just not for everyone, I guess.
I now had an extra $200 to put towards Auggie. My life certainly wasn't going the way I envisioned it, but isn't that the way for most of us? I was now trying to fill the void of loneliness with this horse, and while a horse can't necessarily replace a person or the family you never had, I guess it can give you a pretty good reason to get your act together. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke. I didn't have any bad habits like that, but I was awful at choosing men and dealing with my family. I had my flaws that I didn't always want to admit. That was my downfall, and it landed me in a pretty rough patch.
In that sense, Auggie and I were more alike than different. We had a rough few years that hadn't turned out exactly as planned, but we were both starting over. We were the blue collar type, trying to do our thing, whatever that was, with a secondhand budget. It was time to stop waiting for some guy to come along and make the happily ever after happen for me. It was time to quit seeking the approval of my family. I made a commitment to take this horse and I was just going to have to rise to the occasion, stay focused, and learn some patience. I was free at last.
 |
| The back half of my property as Tropical Storm Isaias moved out of the area August 2020. On September 1, 2021, a tornado crashed through the neighborhoods of Upper Dublin, only a couple miles from the property, destroying acres of woods and hundreds of houses. https://www.cbsnews.com/philadelphia/news/montgomery-county-tornado-ida-storm-damage-upper-dublin/ Many neighborhoods still had a lot of cleaning up to do, even a year after a tornado had ripped through the township; many houses were still covered in a patchwork of blue tarps due to a lack of building materials, insurance re-imbursement or labor shortages. Despite all that, it seemed that things were at least a little better going into the fall. Work was busy and I was continuously getting calls for additional work, which often meant that I was working Sundays in addition to the regular six-day work week. Somehow, the door of opportunity had been opened this year, and I had to enjoy it while it lasted. It's funny how the path begins to light up when you walk by faith and not by fear. That afternoon, I did not go to the farm to ride Auggie. I felt like he could use a day to decompress, and there was something I needed to do anyway. After a few months of mulling it over, I grabbed the black, velvet box that housed my engagement ring and threw it into the cupholder of the truck. Work was done for the day and my mother would pick up my daughter from school, so I could slip out for an hour or so. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, but my mind was made up this time. The ring had to go. I had gotten three appraisals on the thing; two jewelers had refused to even consider purchasing the ring, saying that it was worthless, and the third offered me $200 for it. I knew nothing about jewelry, and I really never wore any since I worked a manual labor job, so I had to take their word for it when it came to the actual value of it. While $200 didn't seem like much, it was $200 more than I had with it sitting on my dresser at home. I drove to Lansdale to see the jeweler that offered to buy it.  After several months of not hearing anything from Josh, I figured it was safe to assume that he wasn't going to suddenly want the ring back. I still felt a stab of guilt as I parked the truck in the lot in front of Dublin Jewelers and slammed the door. I was going to do it this time; kiss that life good-bye and move on. It was clear that Josh had made an impulse purchase, and that it hadn't really meant what it should. Black box in hand, I turned from the truck and walked through the double doors of the store. A black Great Dane rose from a cushion in the corner of the store to quietly inspect me as I walked up to the counter. The owner popped out from a back room behind the counter to greet me as I approached, "Hello friend, how can I help you today?" he asked as he put some small boxes on a shelf adjacent to the glass counter. He was a big man, maybe late fifties or early sixties, with long gray hair and tattoos on his arms. "I think I'm ready to get rid of this," I said as I presented the velvet box to him across the counter. "Fantastic, what did we say, $200, right?" he asked as he grabbed a pad of receipts from a cluttered shelf behind him. "Yes that's right. I'm ready to get rid of it, finally. It's time to move on now." I replied. "I'm sorry things didn't work out, friend. There's better things out there. I wish I could help you out more, but here's the $200 at least," he said as he scribbled out the transaction on the pad. He checked my ID and I handed to ring over to him. I felt a wave of remorse wash over me for a second but suppressed the urge to beg to have it back. The ring hadn't meant what it was supposed to, so why continue to carry that weight around? I tried to imagine the next person that might get it; the joy it could bring for someone in the prime of life. Clearly, it wasn't worth much in the financial sense, but it should have symbolized a serious commitment in some way. With an extra $200 in hand, I turned and left the store feeling a bit lighter than I did when I first walked in. I was free now. I wasn't going to put my life on hold anymore for someone that couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone. I'm just not for everyone, I guess. I now had an extra $200 to put towards Auggie. My life certainly wasn't going the way I envisioned it, but isn't that the way for most of us? I was now trying to fill the void of loneliness with this horse, and while a horse can't necessarily replace a person or the family you never had, I guess it can give you a pretty good reason to get your act together. I didn't drink, I didn't smoke. I didn't have any bad habits like that, but I was awful at choosing men and dealing with my family. I had my flaws that I didn't always want to admit. That was my downfall, and it landed me in a pretty rough patch. In that sense, Auggie and I were more alike than different. We had a rough few years that hadn't turned out exactly as planned, but we were both starting over. We were the blue collar type, trying to do our thing, whatever that was, with a secondhand budget. It was time to stop waiting for some guy to come along and make the happily ever after happen for me. It was time to quit seeking the approval of my family. I made a commitment to take this horse and I was just going to have to rise to the occasion, stay focused, and learn some patience. I was free at last. |
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